Month: February 2018

Thoughts swirling like dust motes drifting in the sunlight.  What do I write about this week?  So much on my mind.  Attempting to stay the observer and not take any of it personally.  I wish I could say that was easy this past week, yet that would be a lie.  The old blueprint still has a few tricks up her sleeve and she does not want to go gentle into the good night.

Thoughts and questions like, “why when I focus on something to happen, the opposite does?”  “why have I placed myself in places to be judged?”  “what am I pretending not to know?”  “what if I am the greatest miracle?”  “what am I afraid of?”  “what am I ashamed of?”  Yeah, really deep stuff.

I go back and forth on whether it’s better to be out and about and engaging with people or stay home and work and protect my energy.  This weekend I have a retreat to go to, and I am looking forward to seeing many of my friends and yet, there’s a part of me that wishes I could “Zoom” it in.  People have always considered me an extrovert because I do know how to be social with people successfully, yet after years of teaching, sometimes those energies seem like too much.  I like the term “ambivert” – those who have both introverted and extroverted tendencies.  It’s been rainy this week, so perhaps that’s why I feel a bit more introverted.  Glorious sunshine does do this body good!

The judgement thing has been on my mind the past couple of days.  Naila and I masterminded about it today.  I don’t ever recall a time of feeling like I was normal, like I fit in.  I do celebrate that at times, and yet at times I yearn to fit in.  I know, why fit in when you were born to stand out?  Hence, the quandary.  My mother was raised in an alcoholic home where standing out was dangerous.  I was not raised in that situation, yet I have probably picked up some of her coping mechanisms.  One of her biggest concerns was “what will the neighbors think?”  Obviously by some of my decisions in life, I rebelled against that.  I put myself in places where I could and would be judged – getting a divorce when it was still not that common, being a single mom, marrying a Jewish man when I was Christian (at the time), becoming a high school teacher (talk about putting yourself in front of a room full of judges! LOL!), teaching a cutting-edge fitness program that’s outside the box and still not well-known, becoming an entrepreneur and a network marketer, studying and practicing Kundalini yoga, all while living in the back woods of Tennessee.  Even writing these out for the world to see feels scary.  What will you think of me?  Will you judge me and find me lacking?  Will you no longer want to be my friend?  Will you decide I’m too bizarre and forget about me?  Are these your thoughts or are they mine?  What we see is a reflection of our internal world.  Mine feels like a hurricane at the moment.  And part of me only wants the calm eye to catch my breath and decide which way to go next.

This past week a friend posted on Facebook about The Greatest Showman and how wonderful it was along with the soundtrack.  She said it was perfect for those who were entrepreneurs.  Of course, that got my attention! LOL!  So while I haven’t seen it yet, I searched YouTube for the songs and found words that spoke to my heart.  Now I HAVE to go see this movie…and soon!  Two songs spoke to me deeply…

This Is Me (watch the first few minutes to get a deeper meaning)

and From Now On (also watch the first few minutes)

So these two songs have become my anthems.  Both bring tears to my eyes, letting me know I’ve reached deep into my soul and these songs are healing those wounded parts of myself who have made me who I am.

It took Hugh Jackman and crew 7.5 years to bring this to life.  No matter how long it takes me, my life is a brilliant burst of love and creativity!  I am nature’s greatest miracle and it’s a beautiful journey…all of it!

Wow!  20 weeks in!  Only 6 weeks left.  That sure went by quickly!  In a way, it feels like I’ve always been doing this and in others, it’s like I’m brand new.  Definitely one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.  And as I shared in my Facebook Live today, it’s smart to invest in yourself.

There are still those days of two steps forward and one step back, yet they seem to be happening less and less.  I’m able to pivot when something “negative” happens and see it as a positive.  I’m beginning to trust myself more and see myself as this wonderful aspect of the Divine.  Not perfect, simply perfect in my perfection as an extension of Divine energy.  The more I read of Haanel, the more it explains so much that I never quite understood when I started my self-discovery journey 20 years ago.  The dots are connecting, and the picture they’re forming is absolutely breathtaking!

Through this process, I’ve been able to discover so much about myself and ways to help myself and others:

• I absolutely loved going through the Go90Grow experience Mark and Davene also offer and have implemented those skills to help my business grow.  If you’re in network marketing, I highly recommend it.  It’s far more than skills; it’s also personal growth and building a social media audience.
• I’ve also vastly improved my health and fitness.  Before I was only able to work out a few times a week, even as a fitness trainer.  Now because of my focus in True Health (one of my PPNs) and my consistency with my healthy lifestyle of eating plant-based and taking my fave supplements, I’m working out not only every day, but twice every day!  That would’ve never happened before because I didn’t believe it was possible.  Now I KNOW it is and I’m loving how I’m feeling!
• Master Minding with Naila and Stephana opened new doors in my life, and I likely would’ve never met these two lovely ladies without the MKMMA course!
• I have a much better relationship with my children and my hubby.  We have deeper conversations and no longer simply chat about superficial things.

Life not only is good, it feels good!

And I am so thankful!

 

Well, this week started out rough!  Either I was upleveling BIG TIME, or I had been exposed to the flu that’s been dropping people like flies in my area. 

 

 

 

Either way, I spent Monday in bed reading and sleeping.  Of course, the logical thing to have done would’ve been to read my Master Key materials even more.  However, that’s not what I did.  I felt active rebellion going on and refused to read them, other than I did read the week 19 passage once.  No sits, no Greatest Salesman, no service cards, no affirmation cards, nada.  Ironic considering that my Franklin Makeover word this week was self-control.  LOL!

 

I dug in like a toddler who was throwing a tantrum and there was no way I was doing what I was supposed to do, other than rest and take my supplements to hopefully bypass whatever had a hold of me.

By Tuesday morning, I was feeling better physically (#guthealthROCKS) and yet really down on myself for not being consistent with my readings and promises.  Had I ruined all my hard work of the previous 4 months?  Would I not reach my goals as a result of my defiance?  As I sat in my sit Tuesday morning, I pondered over this and asked, “What can I do to feel more confident?”  Tears streamed down my cheeks, a frequent occurrence in my sits.  Melting away old cement.  After my sit was done, I watched the video Mark shared for the week – the coolest Ted Talk about Power Poses.  As I’m watching, I’m realizing my answer had come to me!  How freakin’ cool was THAT?  Ask and ye shall receive IS true!  If you just stay focused on what it is you want and not the absence of it, it’s amazing what will happen!

 

The rest of this week I have felt AWESOME!  

This passage from week 19 of the Master Keys has been demonstrated over and over to me this week…

19-17.  You may know that thought constantly, eternally is taking form, is forever seeking expression, or you may not, but the fact remains that if your thought is powerful, constructive, and positive, this will be plainly evident in the state of your health, your business and your environment.  If your thought is weak, critical, destructive and negative generally, it will manifest in your body as fear, worry and nervousness, in your finance as lack and limitation, and in discordant conditions in your environment.

So despite my defiance and rebellion, I’m back on track and feeling stronger than ever.  Perhaps it was the last gasp from the old blueprint.  Perhaps it was my mind and body being uncomfortable in its new location in time and space.  Whatever it was, I give great thanks for it because it brought me to a new place and realization.  I do have control over my response and I can create whatever I want!  Like everything else in my life – the good, the bad, the ugly – it’s all part of the journey and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Maybe it’s just me.  This has been the craziest feeling week.  Tie intense personal development and a full/blood/blue moon, and lunar eclipse together, and you’ll feel like you’re going crazy, too!  If you’re reading this and it scares you about taking the MKMMA when it’s offered again, PLEASE don’t let it.  It will be the most rewarding thing you’ll do for yourself.  But it’s work and your blueprint will resist.

Ever heard the crab in the bucket theory?  If a crab tries to escape from a bucket or trap, the other crabs will try to pull him or her back down to their level.  People may say they admire someone who’s different, but actually dealing with someone like that in their midst will often elicit that crab in the bucket reaction.  You become a mirror to them about what they’re not doing with their lives.  That also applies for the self you’ve been for 20, 30, 40, 50, or more years.  It will resist.  So what to do?  I chose this week to increase my meditation/sit time and that helped tremendously.  I’ve been dedicated to my MKMMA exercises, and continued with them with a little more en-thuuuuu-siasm.  I embraced the person I had been and chose to thank her for getting me this far and let her know it was OK to release the resistance.  I would be fine.

I also learned from this analogy.  Back in August after I returned from the T-Tapp Trainers Certs, I began daily exercise…something I’d never done before.  Previously, I was consistent in my workouts, yet never every day.  So since mid-August, I have done a workout EVERY SINGLE DAY, mostly T-Tapp or Kundalini Yoga, though I recently discovered Yoga Shred and have added that to my daily T-Tapp or yoga.  I also added in a 30 minute walk on the treadmill 2 or more times per week.  Now in the past, that would’ve exhausted me to the point of being in bed for a couple of days from overtaxing my body.  However, this time my body adapted positively.  And now, 5 months later, I’m seeing the results.  I’m more flexible, more resilient, have more stamina and strength, and simply feel better physically and emotionally.  Turns out my body was CRAVING this type of freedom and true health to show how strong she could be!  I began to trust myself more as I demonstrated that I could do far more than I thought possible even 6 months ago.  So what’s the connection?  Daily consistent practice is necessary to see results.  And it’s not always fun.  You may not see the results in the timetable you have in your brain, yet you will see them.  Anytime I start to feel discouraged about my progress towards my DMP goals, I’m choosing to remind myself that if I keep doing the work, the results will follow.  They must.  I’ve seen it work.

Another piece of the puzzle is belief.  I have to believe it’s possible.  The old blueprint has struggled mightily over the past couple of weeks to attempt to convince me that I couldn’t achieve my DMP goals.  Telling me I was crazy for thinking I could do this.  And besides, even if I did, I couldn’t hang on to them.  My father couldn’t, so what made me think I could?  Yet, I am not my father.  His journey was different from mine.  He made his decisions, and I am making mine.  I choose to be successful, courageous, healthy, and reach my goal of Diamond within my company and achieve everything in my Press Release.  I know it is happening.  Even when it appears it’s not, it is.  This I now know.

Finally, this week was movie week.  I chose to watch Finding Joe again.  If you’ve not seen this documentary, WATCH IT!  Seeing it again after having been in the MKMMA experience granted some huge a-has!  I’ve learned to embrace my dragons.  To keep moving forward.  To know that there is value in every step I go through.  And to trust myself.  I’m smarter than I’ve ever let myself believe.  Seriously…watch this movie!