Thoughts swirling like dust motes drifting in the sunlight. What do I write about this week? So much on my mind. Attempting to stay the observer and not take any of it personally. I wish I could say that was easy this past week, yet that would be a lie. The old blueprint still has a few tricks up her sleeve and she does not want to go gentle into the good night.
Thoughts and questions like, “why when I focus on something to happen, the opposite does?” “why have I placed myself in places to be judged?” “what am I pretending not to know?” “what if I am the greatest miracle?” “what am I afraid of?” “what am I ashamed of?” Yeah, really deep stuff.
I go back and forth on whether it’s better to be out and about and engaging with people or stay home and work and protect my energy. This weekend I have a retreat to go to, and I am looking forward to seeing many of my friends and yet, there’s a part of me that wishes I could “Zoom” it in. People have always considered me an extrovert because I do know how to be social with people successfully, yet after years of teaching, sometimes those energies seem like too much. I like the term “ambivert” – those who have both introverted and extroverted tendencies. It’s been rainy this week, so perhaps that’s why I feel a bit more introverted. Glorious sunshine does do this body good!
The judgement thing has been on my mind the past couple of days. Naila and I masterminded about it today. I don’t ever recall a time of feeling like I was normal, like I fit in. I do celebrate that at times, and yet at times I yearn to fit in. I know, why fit in when you were born to stand out? Hence, the quandary. My mother was raised in an alcoholic home where standing out was dangerous. I was not raised in that situation, yet I have probably picked up some of her coping mechanisms. One of her biggest concerns was “what will the neighbors think?” Obviously by some of my decisions in life, I rebelled against that. I put myself in places where I could and would be judged – getting a divorce when it was still not that common, being a single mom, marrying a Jewish man when I was Christian (at the time), becoming a high school teacher (talk about putting yourself in front of a room full of judges! LOL!), teaching a cutting-edge fitness program that’s outside the box and still not well-known, becoming an entrepreneur and a network marketer, studying and practicing Kundalini yoga, all while living in the back woods of Tennessee. Even writing these out for the world to see feels scary. What will you think of me? Will you judge me and find me lacking? Will you no longer want to be my friend? Will you decide I’m too bizarre and forget about me? Are these your thoughts or are they mine? What we see is a reflection of our internal world. Mine feels like a hurricane at the moment. And part of me only wants the calm eye to catch my breath and decide which way to go next.
This past week a friend posted on Facebook about The Greatest Showman and how wonderful it was along with the soundtrack. She said it was perfect for those who were entrepreneurs. Of course, that got my attention! LOL! So while I haven’t seen it yet, I searched YouTube for the songs and found words that spoke to my heart. Now I HAVE to go see this movie…and soon! Two songs spoke to me deeply…
This Is Me (watch the first few minutes to get a deeper meaning)
and From Now On (also watch the first few minutes)
So these two songs have become my anthems. Both bring tears to my eyes, letting me know I’ve reached deep into my soul and these songs are healing those wounded parts of myself who have made me who I am.
It took Hugh Jackman and crew 7.5 years to bring this to life. No matter how long it takes me, my life is a brilliant burst of love and creativity! I am nature’s greatest miracle and it’s a beautiful journey…all of it!
16 thoughts on “Week 21 of the Master Key Experience”
Hi Vicki ! Yes I saw for me too and others MKE friends the old blue print is activated, I feel like touching the most profound wounds inside me. I am eager to get free from those pains, as I wish ou to get free of “what people would think about me”. We are just in the thick of the Hero’s Journey ! I give you all my courage !
The wound is where the light can enter. 🙂
My darling Queen Vic,
First of girl you messed me up. I am crying in my bedroom/home office as I read this. Girl! How dare you get me so emotional this early in the day.lol j/k There issooo much to pull from I think we may be twins girl because I am intro/extro tooo. I enjoy being around people and I enjoy being bymself as well(sometimes alittle more;)). As forthe old blueprint, that heffa has to die. I think you are doing great by trusting your journey. Remember seasons change. What do we do? We adapt and move forward. From one queen to another, trust the journey. You got this my friend.
You got this too, girlfriend! I’d love to connect with you by phone one day soon! I got the feeling we’re sisters from another mister! 🙂
Slay those dragons Vicki! Thanks for sharing.
Slaying them one dragon at a time! 🙂
Ah, Vicki. Love you so much! ❤️
Love you too, sweet friend!
What a remarkable set of music video’s; the passion shared is deep, so very very deep. It feels like it’s feeding the soul. I love what you have shared this week, and the truth is in my opinion, the more our awareness arises, the more we are feeling the duality of the experiences we are facing. I have to keep taking myself into a quiet place, within myself in order to ride out my emotions. It’s exhausting, and I want to scream out for their to be ease and then I have to tell myself to go out and find that ease – go and do what makes you truly happy and so my daughter and I went window shopping and dream building. That felt inspiring, because I know one day that I will be able to enjoy the ease of finances.
Hugs, my friend! Thank you for your friendship and influence! You help me so much!
Thanks for being so honest and sharing these feelings with us all. Knowing that I am not alone in this is comforting and gives me strength to keep on the hero’s journey.
We are not alone. That’s the trick of the old blueprint. You got this, Darlene!
Great share, Vicki! I too, feel the ex/intro pulling, yet I seem to find time for both. I was the full extrovert at our church convention this past 3 day weekend, and the hugs and smiles were awesome! So I did an hour sit this morning. I would write longer posts, but my two finger typing can’t even begin to keep up with my thoughts.
Thanks for the Mastermind with me.
You’re welcome, Jim! It was a pleasure to mastermind with you!
OMG…this soundtrack has been my anthem ever since I saw the film. I wrote about it in my blog on 2/9/18. I blast both of these songs while driving.
And how about “The Other Side”…
“Don’t you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play
‘Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride
It’ll take you to the other side
‘Cause you can do like you do
Or you can do like me
Stay in the cage, or you’ll finally take the key…(The Master Key???)
Oh, damn! Suddenly you’re free to fly
It’ll take you to the other side”
Maybe this should be Mark and Davene’s theme song!
I thought that too, Dorothy! The theme song of the Master Key experience!